Way on down an old gravel road, where things haven't changed much since '65, a forbidden love is blossoming. Young Beef has always wanted more than "just friends", but Big Bacon shuts him down every time. She finds his youth no match for the wisdom of her years; after all, she is no cougar.
Youth in all it's ignorance mistakes rejected advances for some sort of coy playfulness. Young Beef nonchalantly moves in, closer, closer, thinking maybe this is time his advances will be met with a mutual love. He thinks, "Maybe these young ladies riding by on bicycles will divert Big Bacon's attention from my awkward advances. Chew a little grass, ease up behind her ... NO, screw it, I WANT TO BE ON YOU!!!" And he was. Several times. Full Beef on Bacon action. Unfortunately, the romance was not written in the stars; Young Beef's desperate attempts at a love were a lost cause. Now he just stares at the neighbor ponies muttering something about "throwing pearls to the pigs"....
But they don't care. All big-eyed cold stares down their regal muzzles- they're not the Jerry Springer type.
Across the creek though, these two hellions are all up in your bid- ness. Just wait, you'll see it in their glinty little eyes.